The term “cishet” is used to harass aces and aros, and has been used to deny our queerness and our right to be in queer spaces. Alternatives like “allocishet” or “not-queer” clearly indicate that you are being inclusive of aces and aros.
Hi! This post exists to give a brief introduction to asexuality and aromanticism. It is intended to be an introduction, an explanation of some terminology and introduction to some concepts. If someone linked you here, it was probably because you were looking for some information about aromanticism or asexuality.
Ages ago I live tweeted reading Every Heart A Doorway. This post has my original commentary, and adds my more recent thoughts at the end.
Content warnings for discussion of gore and eye damage (3 tweets in the middle, text to warn before they appear).
Keeper of the Dawn is a novella published by The Book Smugglers. I received it as an advanced review copy. Spoilers below. Continue reading
Recently it was announced that despite Jughead being canon aro ace in Archie comics he would be straight in the new Riverdale TV show. The asexual community rightly spoke out about this is unacceptable, and has been trying to pressure the show to keep Jughead asexual. However, some of this response has highlighted problematic trends in asexual activism.
Jughead is a canon aromantic asexual who is also touch adverse. While only the term asexual has been used in the text, his explanation of how he feels has made the rest clear. I haven’t actually read the comic, I don’t generally read comics and I disliked Archie comics when my brothers read them as teens, but despite that I have seen enough excerpts from them to be confident that this has been made as unambiguous as it could be without using the actual words.
Despite this, the backlash against the choice to make Jughead a character who “will have romances with women,” has primarily centred around his asexuality, not his aromanticism. There have even been posts that argue that it is fine for Jughead’s character to be changed this way, since he can still be ace if he experiences romantic attraction.
While it is true that aces can be alloromantic, arguing it in the case of this specific character is erasing and discarding his aromanticism as irrelevant or unimportant. There are other opportunities to discuss the need for a wider variety of alloromantic ace representation that does not involve erasing an aromantic character.
This is a far bigger issue than a single event or single character. Asexual activism, particularly when it is directed at allosexuals, frequently is handled in a way that is damaging to aromantic, touch adverse, or sex-repulsed aces.
In an effort to make themselves relatable to allosexual people, there is a tendency to draw comparisons. “Aces aren’t broken, we still can have romantic relationships!” “Aces aren’t broken, we can still have sex if we want to!” “Ace aren’t broken, we still like to cuddle and non-sexual intimacy!” are all things I’ve seen expressed. But when allosexual, sex-neutral/favourable, not touch adverse aces use those ideas to prove that they aren’t broken, they leave those of us who aren’t so relatable back in the broken category.
Because no, I am not going to have a romantic relationship just like someone who’s alloromantic. I am not going to be able to have sex if I choose, I’m sex-repulsed and that would be traumatizing. I am not going to be able to cuddle, because I am somewhat touch adverse, and especially touch adverse in situations that could be taken to be romantic/sexual in nature.
I AM NOT BROKEN.
And I am profoundly disappointed when alloromantic aces, who should understand this better than anyone, cast us aside in their push for acceptance.
When conducting asexual activism, it is important to consider who is being included, and who is being left behind. Alloromantic aces need to do more to learn to identify amatonormativity and arophobia in our community and activism, and refuse to accept it. Do not promote things that accept aces but hurt aros. Do not allow us to be collateral damage in the fight for recognition and acceptance. Do not allow broken to be the code for aromantic, sex-repulsed, or touch adverse.
We are here, we are not broken, we should not be erased.
Note: I’m using aromantic, sex-repulsed, and touch adverse similarly in this piece. They are not the same, and do not necessarily occur together. I have a difficult time separating them because they all apply to me, and at least two apply to Jughead, so it seemed appropriate in this case.
Please see here for an explanation of how this post will work. I will post on twitter when I start/stop reading, and update the post as I add to it.
Going into this book, I know next to nothing about the plot, but do know that there is a Word of God aro ace character in it. I interact with Ana regularly on Twitter, and xie gave me a review copy of both Poison Kiss and the sequel.
Spoilers are likely to follow.
EDIT: Warning for discussing and quoting acephobic and arophobic content.
Asexuality comes up frequently in Doctor Who fandom, usually in the context of describing the Doctor. Unfortunately, the way it is used is often divorced from the actual definition of asexuality and as a result inadvertently dehumanizes asexual and aromantic people. This can make existing as an aromantic asexual Doctor Who fan a difficult experience. Continue reading
Of all the things I thought I’d be doing today, writing a post about my feelings on Mr. Clean was not one of them. However, since the “Mr. Clean is asexual because he’s just so clean!” thing floating around Twitter won’t go away, here we go.
If you Google “Is Mr. Clean gay” Google helpfully tells you that “Mr. Clean is neither gay, straight nor bi, he is asexual because sex of any kind is just too dirty for him. His first love has always been cleaning. He can’t even bear to be seen in anything but clean, perfectly white clothes. So it has been his whole life.” Things have gotten silly enough that it is now taking this text (at least for me) from a Gizmodo article talking about that being the text that Google pulls up when you search for this. Continue reading